The Blue-Eyed Jail Punk
by Karhien
Summary: John has been sent to prison for patricide that he didn't do. But with the help of a few convicts: a green-eyed psychotic with vengeance, a German assassin-smoker, and the brother of that assassin who happens to be his cellmate and just intimidates him, he might escape out of here if he can survive the prison life. Convictstuck AU. Will be rated M soon.
1. Con I: Patricide

**I found a Homestuck AU in Tumblr that's called Convictstuck and to me, it's pretty cool and one of them said that it's okay to write fanfiction about this AU. **

**Warning: there is OOC in it, then again the Striders are attractive German assassins, Jake is a psycho, and John is a bit of a spoiled brat since he's raised rich and a scaredy-cat since he's been a good boy when he enters prison. **

* * *

_I _

_Patricide_

* * *

"John Egbert is found guilty of second degree of murder of committing patricide. Case closed."

The one known as John Egbert is horrified. There was no jury, no lawyer, no court, and no justice at all. He was punished for killing his own father, sentenced for twenty years for a crime he didn't do. The judge didn't give him a chance to explain that he didn't do it, just stare and smirk in greed.

The officers just shove his arms behind his back and cuffed him like an animal, as if he was going to attempt to escape.

How could this happen to him?

He never would murder his father, even if he did have gotten angry that day. He was friendly to everyone, does safe and harmless pranks, and is open to anyone, just like what his father had taught him…

It all happened too quickly, a flash that John had blinked and couldn't see what was going on. He had a fight with his father about why he couldn't get a girlfriend, his sexuality. He liked guys, not girls, but couldn't find the right guy. Dad thought otherwise.

John stormed off to bed, too mad at the time to listen to his shouting father. He tried to cool off, try to find a way for his father to understand that he's actually homosexual and he can adopt a grandchild but all are concluded as very likely possible failures.

It was a mistake to take a nap…

All John remembered from the rest of the night is that he was woken up by a yelling police with others behind, ready to shoot with guns up, as he was soon shoved to the floor and handcuffed. John only had a glimpse of what was left of his father and then he knew he was guilty for having Dad's last memory of him… fighting instead of telling him how much he loved his father…

But now, to be seat to jail, for a crime he would never commit, John's life has turned straight into hell…

* * *

"Stick out your tongue… Open your mouth wider… Good. All checked. You may now wear your uniform."

John finally gets to close his mouth and hurries to his now new clothes. First day in prison and he is already hating it.

All night, John was awake due to the anxiety and fear what was coming to his life as well as how much the bus ride bumped to every driving hazard there is on the road. He was then pushed to walk across the hall of cells with some prisoners sneering while some chuckled and smirked right at him. He then was commanded to be stripped naked to find… well, something on him. He had been stared at the man in the uniform, all bare and unable to cover him, and really, this is first day and hopefully this is the worst that will happen to him.

"Hurry up, I don't waste time and neither will you."

John immediately hurries up, he seriously doesn't need to rebel since the last time he did, he got here unfairly and became an orphan. He is just glad that they had boxers and clothes to cover him.

The uniform turns out to be an orange one-piece with a zipper that ends right where the… crotch area is. John tries not to blush as he zips himself up, thinking of not where the zipper ends or anything. And John definitely tries to no squeak as the man with the clipboard glares down at him. Seriously, what did he do?!

Suddenly the man puts his hands on his hips. John can't help but tense up and freeze. Oh dear god… This day has turned into a full-blown hell!

John may not be a virgin but he doesn't want to get raped! Especially on the first day!

He shuts his eyes tight, waiting the worst to come and be over with.

Really, why did he end up like this? He behaved fairly well for his entire life, never truly doing any harm except with the fun and harmless pranks he pulled off and that time when he had that secret boyfriend of his unknown to his father until they broke up.

And… and…–Wait, why does John feel tightening around his waist?

"Alright, belt secured and tight, you are now in full uniform."

…Huh…?

John opens his eyes and looks down to see that the tightening was really a belt… Maybe John really is overreacting about the whole prison thing a bit too much…

"Now…" Oh! He is definitely squeezing John's ass! "Get to your cell and go meet your cellmate. We don't want any trouble, now do we?"

"U-Uh, n-no…"

"No, what?"

"N-N-No, sir!"

The man finally has his hands off of John, writing something on his clipboard. He then glares at John once more.

"Now go, I am done with you. Two men will guide you to your cell and…" Quickly, he walks up to John. And he immediately snatches John's glasses off his face. "No glasses are allowed in here. Now go."

John can't help but blink at the man. His eyes aren't exactly that bad, really, but he is so used to wearing glass that–

"I said, _go_. That's an order!"

Immediately John walked out of the room, allowing one waiting to enter while as said, two men in uniform that look really similar to police were waiting for him and quickly grab his shoulders and roughly push John to walk forward.

Great…

John, ever without his glasses, can't help but look around inside, especially who or what was inside each cell. Just like in the movies, some prisoners are big and scary with enough muscles to possibly literally rip his head off. Some are skinny but carried a strong stench of weed. Some were in the middle of being skinny and muscular with facial hair, long and un-groomed.

None seem to be minding their own business. All were staring and glaring at him…

Then…

John is right in front of _his_ cell…

"Strider! Your new cellmate is here!"

"Yeah, yeah… Arschloch…"

John could see a sort of figure behind the metal bars, a bit too blurry for him to truly see what his cellmate is like. He could see he's wearing the same orange outfit and that he has blond hair but that's about it. He really wonders what this guy who's going to be his roommate is.

Is he a horrible criminal like a murderer? Or is he just a small criminal like a thief or a jaywalker?

John really did hope it is a small criminal…

"Alright, John Egbert, meet your new home for the next twenty years."

John couldn't help but let out a barely audible squeak as one of the men push him to move while the other is waiting with the door slid open though had his head turned, watching the mysterious cellmate. John could hear an almost audible snicker as he gets roughly pushed in.

Soon when John is fully in the cell, both men quickly exit, slamming and locking the door shut. There, John is alone with this cellmate of his…

"So," John almost jumped at the voice as it spoke. "You're the new guy, huh? Heard you killed your own father, sounds pretty deep."

John stays silent. He really doesn't know what to say. Should he really lie that he indeed killed his own father? What happens if he finds out that he's lying? Should he say the truth? What happens if he doesn't believe the truth? And what happens if he did believe in the truth and John becomes his personal punching bag?

So, John just kept his mouth shut and look down on the concrete floor…

"Huh, you are a weird one, aren't you? Come here, I need to take a good look at you."

John's body, however, doesn't move…

"_Hey_, I said come here. Bro, don't make this into a fight you can't possibly win."

John just gulps and looks down, his heart racing as he could hear his cellmate getting… clever… He could clearly hear the stomping, the anger rising, from him… Yup, definitely not a jaywalker…

He sucks in a squeak as a hand, rough and scarred, clenches his chin and roughly lifts his face up. John couldn't close his eyes as he stares a very clear figure of his cellmate. Scarlet red eyes are staring down on him with pretty blond hair and pale skin with some freckles surrounding it. He has a more square jaw than John, way broader than him, and definitely taller too…

Yup, definitely attractive...

If John wasn't in this, he might have talked to the guy with open arms, but…

"Niedlich…" Wait, what did he say? "You seriously don't look like a person who killed his own father. But then again, looks can be deceiving."

Finally, the blond cellmate lets go of his chin. He then holds out his hand out.

"The name's Dave Strider, I'm a badass assassin till I got thrown in this Scheiße. So, what's your name, cutie~?"

…

What?!

* * *

**And thus ends the first chapter. Next will be Dave's POV. :)**

**Hopefully, it's not too OOC or anything.**

**Thank you for reading and please review. Bye!**


	2. Con II: Cute

**Yay~, people like this fanfiction!**

**Thank you everyone who has reviewed, favorite, and/or followed this! Here's the second chapter! Thank you again! **

* * *

_**Con II**_

_**Cute**_

* * *

Dave Strider has always been one who knows what he immediately wants and right in front of him, all blue and doe-eyed of him with that face that shouts cute, is what he wants.

Sure, he got annoyed at first for not listening to him. But with a cute face like that, Dave will easily forgive him.

"U-Um…" Oh, cute voice too… "I'm… John." Huh, his hand is really soft…

The cutie known as John licks his lips, showing a rather cute pink muscle that Dave might have something for him to lick and suck on~.

But as much as he's tempted, he can't get in trouble due to his fights with his previous cellmate who's a fucking ICP wannabe who can't hide shit for his entire life. There's that and he is sure as hell won't scare this rare cutie.

"Um… So you're an assassin…?"

Oh~, the cutie wants to know more about him~.

Dave, being the smooth German he is, puts his arm around John's shoulders and looking down on him as those orbs of blue beauties look at his red eyes. That type of blue eyes is hard to find in here, even out there. Dave smirks, he is so going to woo this cutie.

"You know it, handsome." Dave purrs out and even giving out a wink.

For someone who killed his father, he sure can blush~.

But before he could use any of his German charms, the bell for mushy lunch rings... This somehow signaling John to move out of Dave's arm and waiting for the door to open. But Dave smirks again, for he could still see John blushing by his pink ears. Oh, he's going to be Dave's, alright~.

A guard soon unlocks the door by hitting the code numbers that Dave almost got. But of course, Dave knows this is the guard that likes nice asses like him but uses force to get it. But due to the amount of psychos and psychotics, the guard sure as hell didn't get any. But with John…

Dave holds back a growl as that guard looks at what is his with interest while it seems John doesn't notice as he keeps his head down, chewing his bottom lip, and showing wide open his ass for that bastard to ogle what's going to be Dave's. No way in hell is he going to let that arschloch have that ass!

So he strides close to John, glaring openly at the guard before he even thinks about touching. Dave can't exactly put his arm around John's waist or shoulders since it's against the fucking rule of having any relationship with other prisoners. Usually, Dave wouldn't rebel against authority now since both his brother and soon-to-be brother's fuck-buddy are going to escape.

He keeps glaring back at the guard, to warn him to don't even think about it. The guard is all dick and no brain, he lusts but can't exactly know how to use authority to back him up and give him the advantage and dominance. That's good for now…

Dave seriously did not like walking with a guard literally behind him while figuratively up his ass when Dave could do better things, like escaping this hell joint.

Downstairs…

Take a right…

…here's where the shitty meals are.

Dave could actually hear his cellmate gulp. He wasn't surprised. This is going to be his first meal in jail. If it should be called a "meal" with the way it looks and tastes. But Dave begins staring as John soon chews on that plump lip of his and twiddle his thumbs. He looks cute when he's nervous~.

But unfortunately, Dave can't look at the cuteness in front of him right now as he now searches for his brother and his rather psycho cellmate (that is somehow described from Dirk to be cute in a weird kind of way) as he gets in line for much. Usually, they always change where they sit so guards would have to find them before listening to their conversation. And because no guard knows shit about German, the guards demand them to speak English or be punished. And look, there they are.

His brother is keeping his poker face strong while trying to stop his cellmate from chewing his fingers again. His cellmate looks crazy as usual and is successfully drawing blood from his fingers as he chews them. AKA, it's fucking normal.

Soon Dave gets his tray, he could tell he got one of the lucky clean ones as he knows what group is doing lunchtime. Dave looks back at John, who also luckily got a clean tray too. His shoulders are too tense and high up. He is clenching on the tray as if it was his damn life-force. And he is still chewing on his bottom lip that's already turn into a nice shade of reddish pink.

Huh, he's nervous _and_ scared.

…It still looks cute.

"Hey," John actually looks up to Dave with wide eyes and looking quite frightened. "It's okay there, John. Just want you to sit with me, das ist alles."

Really, Dave wants his cute cellmate to be comfortable with him. As much as he took lives when he was free and an excellent professional assassin, he doesn't force people to have his way. You could say he is both ironically a killer and a lover. Luckily, it's not at the same time.

There is no way necrophilia is something that Dave or any Strider should try.

But Dave doesn't immediately get an answer from John. Fuck, was that too straight-forward? But it's not like Dave had growled and forced John to sit with unlike some other people. Seriously, for a so-called "high-security" prison, they sure let a hell lot of prison rape and fights go on in here.

But now Dave has his fucked up version of food and out of the line, he should just simply walk to where Dirk and psycho Jake are sitting. He really shouldn't hope a rare cutie like John would follow him like a cute puppy with an ironic bow on it.

Dave glances at the guards guarding in the room. All of them are pretty much crossing their arms and look at the convicts with uninterested and bored eyes. This meaning there will be some time for him to talk to his brother before one annoying shithead would go behind one of the Striders' back and glare down and listen.

Dave can't help but narrow his eyes as he sees his stone-faced master of poker face brother is letting a small (but very noticeable due to being and a Strider and shit) smile on his face.

Ugh, Dave knows Dirk's rather rash infatuation with the finger-crunching maniac.

Dirk pretty much showed his much protected weak points to his cellmate. He makes goo-goo eyes when it seems no one is looking, makes sure Jake doesn't drop his soap, and even invites Jake to escape with the Striders! Dirk is pretty much full out in love with the finger-cruncher. Even though Dave is interested in his new cellmate, at least the blue-eyed cutie doesn't chew his fingers till they bleed or chew them at all. Well, time to sit with them…

But as Dave takes a seat, he hears someone next to him sitting down as well. He turns his head to see, well fuck, the cellmate of his. Huh, so the cutie did follow him and better, is sitting next to him. Yes!

However, Dirk stops being distracted by his rather obnoxious infatuation and raises an eyebrow at John who is just looking down at his lap. "Who's this?"

Dave can't help but smirk and put his arms around the rather tense and jumpy shoulders of his cellmate. Dirk raises both eyebrows while Jake shows to be oblivious of what's going in front of him and eat some of that un-appetizing mush. Action does speak for more fucking louder than words and with Dirk narrowing his eyes, Dave bets he knows _what_ this person will be for his darling ironically "little" brother.

Even though they're twins, Dave is too lazy to actually give some fuck about concerning Dirk since that's his life and shit like that. Of course, Dirk seems to have grown a pussy since ein, he's like that not-so-ironic bitchy ass mother and doesn't get any pussy action because zwei, he's gay.

But it seems John takes a big, deep breath and holds out his hand to Dirk. "M-My name is J-John Egbert. I-I'm Dave's cellmate, n-nice to meet you, sir."

Sir? Dave can't help but snort in amusement while Dirk raises an eyebrow at the offered and open hand.

Dirk may be an excellent smooth talker but that's only wooing victims in fake safety so they won't suspect they'll be killed by the man that seduced and soothed them. "Honest" as he may be, Dirk never really did say the whole truth, just halves really.

But before Dirk actually gets to shake the rather clean and smooth-looking hand, a fork pokes at it. John squeaks and extracts his hand quickly away from Dirk and the offending fork. Dave can't help but glare at the now giggling Jake who is the one that rather harshly poked John's hand with the fork. Jake had a trickle of blood at the end of his lips to almost at his chin while showing rather very clean white teeth. It seems it was fun enough for Jake that he did a motion of stabbing where the hand was again.

John soon jumps to where Dave is, causing the said red-eyed cool guy to smirk a little.

"My…" Jake chuckles out. "What a scared fellow, aren't you… You're like a rabbit… a rabbit surrounded by the wolves, yes?"

"U-Um–"

"So dear Johnny ol' boy, what petty crime did you do to get you here…? You don't look like the fellow to harm a fly, let alone kill."

"Actually English," Dave answers for John smirking while John is just looking at him with big and wide eyes. "This cutie here killed his very own Vater right here."

With that answer, Jake stops giggling and smiling. He tilts his head and stares at John. "Vater…? As in… daddy…? You murdered one of your own parents…?"

John immediately and openly tenses at this. Huh, as Dave looks at him, he looks really guilty and sad about it. Huh, it looks like he isn't proud of his crimes unlike some assholes here. Though Dave is maybe being a bit hypocritical about it…

Jake then smiles at this, very crazy-looking too. "Well… that is very wonderful of you to accomplish, Johnny boy… If only I could… If only she could… if only…"

Dirk immediately puts his hand on Jake's shoulder and openly shows his concern on his face. It seems Jake is remembering his deceased niece again. It is really the only thing that's been keeping him insane.

And seriously, when will the two will ever kiss and fuck each other?

And it seems John moves away from Dave's smoking hot body while eating the food with some rather funny yet cute faces as he eats it. For his first day in prison, he is taking the food pretty well, especially since it's been made by Dave's ex-cellmate's group.

As Dave stares at the cute man next to him, Dave can't help but see how he eats the mushy food. In his days as an assassin and not a prisoner, Dave could easily recognize that he is very well-mannered, a quick assumption that he is –or rather, _was_ in a high-class life. The way he handled his utensils was elegant and gentle. He picked his food carefully rather than shoving it in his mouth, not caring how filthy he is making to himself, the floor, and the table. And he chews his food with a closed mouth and makes barely any chewing noise…

Then again, Dave can also assume John was raised to be a polite gentleman from the now deceased, and possibly pushy back when he was alive, father. It could be like Dave's and Dirk's life. Bro did teach them everything they need to know about killing and manipulation and actually showing no mercy to their victims. But then again, Bro had a thing for older. Almost all those old geezers weirdly accept except a grandpa-looking hunter and a sweet-smelling, fedora-wearing man are the only ones that actually rejected his offers.

Perhaps Dave should get to know his cellmate a bit more before getting down and dirty.

And John hasn't exactly put Dave's arm away from his now less tense shoulders~.

But unfortunately this is prison, not the real world, where it is filled with shitheads, complete and utter psychos, so Dave should curse under his breath when he senses the way too familiar egotistical bastard behind him, Eridan Ampora.

Ampora got sent here for brutal abuse on one dude and shot his supposedly ex-girlfriend. He did not know if he was successful or not on killing her but due to his revealing of having illegal weapons that he doesn't have a permit on, he had more years to spend in prison. Due to looking way too feminine for his own good (AKA looks way too fucking hipster), many attempted to make him his jail bitch. Unfortunately, none succeeded. Instead, Eridan Ampora made a few deals with a few steroid-pumped convicts that he gets his protection (AKA goons) with either promised sex or drugs.

"W-Well, look w-what w-we got here." Eridan smirks with his fuck ugly indigo eyes that are glaring at John. "Fresh meat."

Dave can't help but tighten his hold on the cowering cutie and glare at Ampora. Eridan had always wanted to dominate anything or anyone as much as he possibly could. And Dave, spending quite some time in this shithole, knows what Ampora is thinking. He wants to take away what's Dave's.

Luckily, Dirk gets Ampora to fuck off. "Ampora, I'll warn you today to get the fuck away from us or else I'll let Jake stab you with his fork again."

Jake giggles, having his psycho green eyes on the now very uncomfortable as fuck Ampora while holding his fork up somehow menacingly. English did make a name for himself for surprisingly beating up prisoners with no mercy or second thought, scaring any therapist who believed they had the guts and brain to figure him out without shitting themselves or beat up as pulpy shit, and even causing a guard to shoot himself. Dave doesn't know how English caused the guy to shot himself but with some real therapy and very likely professional manipulation, Jake could be an excellent partner and assassin to the Striders.

But before Ampora could flee, guards came. Shit, they're definitely here because of the very good-looking Striders. Ampora ends up smirking as he walks away, staring at John and the angered Dave.

Fucker, the cute John Egbert is Dave's, no one else.

* * *

**And thus Dave meets his new cellmate and instantly wants John's fine ass. **

**Next… Jake's POV, though this is going to be hard to do… I'll find Jake's words later first but I have to do the chapter first... So not much of Jake's really silly willy dialect will show up. **

**Thank you for reading and please review! Bye! **


	3. Con III: Therapy

**There was an anonymous reviewer called Mistress that said she was German and points out that I indeed know nothing about German. I do not mean to offend but since I barely know any words in German, I have to use the most unreliable translator, Google Translate. :(**

**So please don't be offended about the German words being misspelled or wrongly used. And thank you Mistress for telling me about this. **

**P.S., your quirk is pretty cool and cute! It reminds me of a snake! I think snakes are pretty cool!**

**P.P.S., the split tongue actually sounds like something pretty cool (yet bothersome) to have. Hopefully, it doesn't bother you so much. **

**Well, here's Jake.**

* * *

_**Con III**_

_**Therapy**_

* * *

Jake English couldn't help but giggle as lunch is finally over and it was time for his "therapy". There's a new therapist for him and most likely just like the others, doesn't understand.

He had seen those pesky guards grab the new guy up and away before lunch was really over. Jake knew what that meant. He's going to therapy too. But Jake doesn't get it for the new guy has successfully killed an unwanted parent. That's good, not bad.

But after lunch was over and Dirk gives his now usual pat on the shoulder and nod, Jake goes to where the therapy rooms are. All the rooms are dusty and dirty white. All need red on them. But that's how he is examined before he enters the room, no fork or knife to use against the therapist. The guard knows where he can't pat and touch since the first few times that he did, Jake had literally beat sense on him.

But it was –no, is a deep surprise that John is here with him. The new therapist is already sitting proudly, showing his stern, emotionless face on Jake.

"Welcome English, I am Doctor Rudent, I shall be your therapist and temporarily for Egbert. Hurry and please sit down."

And just like that, Jake doesn't like him. Jake has to get rid of him…

But Jake has to sit down the uncomfortable, wooden chair… he did say please…

"Very good, we are off to a good start." No, they were not. Jake knows. "And you can just sit and wait there, English. I'll be working on Egbert."

"W-What?!" the new guy squeaks.

"Yes, it seems your crime is more major and intriguing to learn as you committed patricide." Rudent nods and has his stupid, perverted eyes on John. "For a man of your status, you don't seem to have depression, stress, or anger to be an excuse of your crime. But then again, that isn't true."

Jake can't help but growl. He knows those similar words, saying that the death of his beloved niece shouldn't have cause his "instability". He had nearly killed one of them as he actually asked if he did anything sexual with Jade! Jade is too innocent and precious… Jade is family… Jake loves Jade like a daughter and the bastard who murdered her got away…!

"So then tell me, Egbert." The rat Rudent begins speaking again. "What was your relationship with your father?"

John blinks, looking with wide eyes at the question.

If Jake thinks about the action, it reminds him of Jade when she was either curious or confused of something. She would stare at him with such innocence, always want his explanation and answer for her curious question…

"What do you mean by relationship?"

Rudent adjusts his glasses. "Has he done anything to harm you? Perhaps… taking advantage of you?"

John immediately is shocked. "W-What?! N-No!"

Rudent raises his eyebrow. He does not believe him, that rat. Prideful men think alike like that horrible monster that killed _her_… They think they can get away with everything but no… There will be someone that gives them what they deserve…

And Jake will finish the job… Oh, he'll finish the job… Oh, he'll finish it alright…

"It is fine, Egbert. I won't judge you." He will. "You must have suffered quite some time have you?"

"N-No really, I really haven't–"

"Hush now, you don't need to make excuses."

John looks really uncomfortable… like the time when Jade being in her first play, playing as the trusty dog… If only John had green eyes and longer hair…

"Did you perhaps…" The rat raises his eyebrow. "Did you love your father _that_ much?"

John looks so shocked, so appalled, so… innocent…

"WHAT! No!" John yells out, truly looking horrified and surprised that someone would think that. Six years in here or so, Jake knows that there are. But Jade –I mean, John shouldn't know about them now.

"John, denying of what went around is a step to insanity. Your father has indeed took advantage of your sexually and that is not right."

"You, I know what you're saying but–"

"No you don't, you don't see what I am thinking _and_ what reality is. You are still in denial of killing one of your parents due to your poor mental illness. It may be even your closeness to your father that you are in shock as well. Has your father been too close to anyone else that caused you this way? Friends? Relatives? Lover? You can tell me anything, _John_. I won't judge."

John sighs and looks at the rat.

"_Look_, I know it's not right for…" He blushes and pales at the same time. Such talent… "_That_… I didn't have sex with my dad nor did he took advantage of me, okay. You got it all wrong! I didn't kill him! This is a mistake!"

Mr. Rudent's eyes seem to gleam in evil as they glare at sweet Jade –I mean, John.

Jake couldn't help but glare at the rat man. This new therapist won't last long and he is pushing those fragile limits. He is bullying such an innocent child. This child is like Jade… yes… Jade…

"A mistake?" The rat growls. "Must I remind you, Egbert, that you are in prison and that the judgment had _never_ been wrong."

"I was framed!"

"I believe I heard that in almost every prison movie." The rat hisses. "Stop being in this state of denial–"

"I'm not in denial!"

"DON'T INTERRUPT ME!"

Oh, the rat is going to get it…

No one messes with Jade… No one will make her cry again…

"_Mister_ Rudent…" Jake speaks, immediately having the rat's attention. "Do you have any… _daughters_…?"

The rat wrinkles his nose. "Why yes, I have one actually."

Jake giggles.

"Well then, old sport, that sounds jolly good… Yes… jolly good…" He giggles again. "Where is she now though, hm~?"

Not here, that's for sure." The rat responds.

"Oh~? But she is somewhere, yes? Is she with you? Or is she far away from you?" Jake asks, feeling the rush once again. "Come now, old bean, we're all quite pals, _yes_?"

"Of course," the rat answers, easily taking the bait. "My daughter is actually with… the mother…"

Jake could hear it, he could feel it! Oh yes, it is so fortunate with that tidbit of information. Everything will go _bloody_ well~. Yes, very well indeed…

"The mother?" Jake begins, feeling the scarlet blood flowing through her. "Well old sport, it sounds like that precious daughter of yours doesn't like you. And that mother… doesn't love at all…"

"We had a divorce."

"Well! That's surprising, old sport!" It's not. "To think she would break off to a man like you… So surprising indeed…"

The rat is far too old and too young in the head to see what's going on… He's not used to treating convicts, Jake can tell…

Jake will ruin him for what he did with darling Jade…

"But to think… you're all alone and unloved…"

The rat takes the trap…

"W-What do you exactly mean, English?!"

"Oh, what I am saying, old sport, is that you're here because you have no one. With no one around and no business, you went desperate and went here… You wanted to go here… You wanted to see and hear others' misery to fill your void pleasure…"

"Now that's just–"

"Wait, I'm not quite finished yet, old sport…" Jake giggles. "Don't be in such denial, Mister Rudent."

Jake looks at… _John_. He is such an innocent child… Jake will protect her…

Jake looks back at the rat. The rat is absolutely livid and trapped. It is like a few of those head weak therapists he had at first except with a rat. They were always so blind seeing the injustice delivered in this world and to him and to his darling, precious, sweet, and innocent little Jade…

"You know you were miserable, just plain miserable, just plain miserable… That love of yours is no longer, probably said that she got sick of you… if not, had always thought of it, imagined it…"

"Now, look here–"

"And that daughter of yours…" This time, Jake chuckles. "You loved her, didn't you? You must have loved her more than your own wife."

"Listen here, I did no act of incest towards my daughter and–"

"But that daughter of yours… she _hated_ you."

He did not deny… No, the rat didn't deny at all…

He stared at Jake with _such_ lividness…

"That daughter… she was your world… your life… your hope…" Jake chuckles again. "You loved her and spiked her… Yes… you downright spoiled her, didn't you…?"

Jake remembers how he cared for Jade. He really did spoil her but she deserved it… oh yes, she deserved every hug, kiss, and any and every display of affection for how perfect she is… or rather, was…

The bastard will get it –yes, he will indeed…

Jake blinks. And he smiles even bigger as he still sees the livid little rat. The rat had it coming of course. He had messed –no, tried to destroy such valuable and precious innocence. Living here for six wasteful years, in this waste of wicked corruptors, Jake must protect all he innocence that is in here.

No innocence shall be wasted. No more corruption will reign here. No innocence shall be destroyed and corrupted…

"But she left… didn't she, old sport… She left you to study with that mother of hers, always looking for another father…" Jake then cackles. "That is what she said after I fucked her."

It's a lie. Jake had always been a gentleman, always polite and respectful to every woman, young and old. He is actually quite a feminist, too. And he is always honest, just never to therapists as they always speak lies and nothing else. If they can't speak any truth, then they don't deserve any truth from him. And the lie made such satisfactory results…

"You bastard!"

The rat actually ties to attack Jake! Ha! What a laugh!

Easily, Jake stands up and put his hands –huh, they have blood on them, how about that… –around the rat's long and scrawny neck. Jake easily has the upper hand. It's just so easy!

Since the rat is so scrawny and weak, Jake could easily hold him with one hand with the other hand getting ready to strike. The rat tries to claw his way off from Jake's hand and tries to choke out a disgusting cry for help. But Jake has a strong grip, he always does. He had a strong grip ever since he had his hands on that bastard who took Jade away. And like the rest, he will have his punishment.

Easily and quickly, Jake right-hooks the rat.

Such a satisfying crunch…

Of course, Jake takes a few seconds to ready for another and see his wonderful handy work. Yes, the rat is actually struggling with one punch~. And his nose is bleeding~!

The sight –yes, the sight is so wonderful, so addicting!

Jake punches him again. And there's another crunch…!

And again…

And again…

And again…!

And again…!

And again!

AND AGAIN!

Jake can't help it, can't stop it! This is like the others! Weak! Evil! Mean! Selfish! Everything that Jake hates and despise! All should be punished! All should be slaughtered! Especially him! Especially that bastard who killed her…

Jake didn't care about the blood smearing on his hands as he cuffs the rat's face into a pulp. His own blood is painting his own face as Jake keeps punching. The scarlet glowing and shining as it spews all over, choking the rat as he tries and tries again to cry for mercy and help.

Jake pauses. He has to see his wonderful work of what he has done to this rat…

It is perfect.

Positively perfect, indeed…

The blood of the rat is all over his mangy face with a few fang-teeth off those disease-ridden gums of his. One eye is completely swollen, all red and blue and purple, while the other is barely looking at him in such a beady way. His long nose is smashed to a short bloody pulp, most likely not doing what it functions as the rat chokes and inhales as much air as he can through his mouth.

Oh yes, it is perfect…

But first…

Jake puts his hand, the one that was holding the rat by its throat, on the rat's rather blood splattered shoulder. Jake grins as he gets closer and closer to the rat's face…

"Now, listen here, old sport," Jake begins, already loving it. "You apologize to darling…John for your bullying misbehavior. No one should be bullied like that or bullied at all, right, old sport?"

Yes, no one should be bullied with anyone or anything. Humanity is inhumanity. Humans will take and steal anything precious and valuable, even if it's one's own beautiful and innocent niece. Jade never deserved death. Jade never desired those ungrateful shits that call themselves parents. Jade never deserved all the things that made her cry, yet he took her away from Jake!

And that's why he had to… had to kill… had to punish… had to finish his job…

Dirk is honest and wonderful when he offered such generous help…

Yes, with Dirk's help, Jake will get the bastard… and finish the work…

"_Well_? Aren't you going to apologize, old sport? I don't' hear an apology from you."

The rat actually tries to cough on him, splattering such unneeded blood on him. There's no words, no apology from the rat…

Such an unforgiving dirty fellow…

But before Jake could deliver another punch… something holds him by the waist and sobs a stop…

…Jade…?

Jake lets go of the punished rat and tries to turn to see who it is that's… hugging him…

…It's… John…

Jake doesn't want to punch him, or punish him at all. He didn't first know why he doesn't want to punish someone who is stopping his thrilling justice but… now, he does.

John is innocent.

Sure, John had killed his own father but… it doesn't look like did it out of fun and the father most likely deserved it. John did something that Jade had not had… justice.

Jade was left by the two people who are supposed to be her parents, the people who supposed to love and care for her. Jade was too young to have people who didn't love her, especially those supposed parents. She had sobbed and cried on her first birthday with Jake, thanking him to actually be here to celebrate her birthday as if she's actually special. Jake had hugged her tight and told her that of course she was special.

She was his little jewel, his little Jade…

Jake sees those eyes, those innocent and valuable eyes, from John. Those precious orbs of blue are looking at him, pleading him to stop. And Jake did so. He doesn't want another innocent to cry…

John lets go as he sees with those pure eyes of his that Jake indeed stops.

"T-Thank you…" John mumbles, strangely looking away for some reason.

But Jake giggles anyway.

"It's alright, mate… I won't let you go…"

Jake affectionately pats John's cheek, really not caring about the hand being smeared with blood.

Aw~… it looks like the sight of blood makes John goes sleepy…

…Sleep well with sweet dreams… John…

* * *

**And thus, here is my first attempt on psycho Jake…**

**Well, John is unconscious, Jake likes John in a creepy yet _very_ platonic way due to reminding him of his late and precious niece, and the new therapist is most likely going to a hospital. Yay...**

**I really should research more about Jake so he doesn't seem so OOC in later chapters…**

**And then there's Dirk that's coming up... Great...**

**Well, thanks for reading and please review. Bye-bye! **


	4. Con IV: Daily Exploring

**I tried to find free Internet Workbook but… it's rather… this: :/ **

**So Mistress, hopefully it isn't such a bother to help me with the German words. It really is nice "talking" to you and I do love to read your reviews. :D **

**And now… it's Dirk's turn! **

**Dirk is indeed seen as more mature than Dave but he is indeed a smoker. And in Convictstuck OOC answers did hint a little that Dirk is both a charmer and seems a bit… introverted about doing much hinted… quixotic acts. :3 **

* * *

_**Con IV**_

_**Daily "Exploring"**_

* * *

Dirk sighs in relief as therapy time is over.

It really is a wasteful time to actually think and believe that someone could actually "cure" him.

He needs a cigarette. He needs to find that brother of his and get a stick or two. Unfortunately for Dirk, he can't get his own cigarettes due to certain… _events_.

But Dirk knows that he can't go immediately to Dave as it will cause suspicions and Dave seems to be pretty focused and busy with that new cellmate of his. Sure, the guy looks cute, has quite a nice ass, and is actually polite and shit but he'll definitely be a liability with escaping.

Perhaps Dirk has to wait a little for Dave to fuck him senseless and be bored of his cellmate.

"Dirk! Is that you…?" Well, speaking of cellmates…

"Sup, Jake." Dirk greets. Jake is another story, he is full-in-full an asset to the escape and part of the Strider assassination gang. Plus, even if it's in a weird kind of way, Jake's cute.

However, Dirk frowns as he smells the very familiar scent of blood. There's the smell and then there's the obvious visual that Jake has blood on his hands. Hopefully he just beat the shit of the supposedly "new" therapist he has or had. Jake really shouldn't harm himself…

"Jake, didn't I tell you that you shouldn't bite your fingers off during shitty therapy time."

"Language, Dirk…" Jake giggles. "And do not worry, silly. I was protecting her from the rat…"

"Her?"

"Jade…" Jake immediately answers but then looks up and chuckles. "And John…"

Okay, ironically, Dirk is now suspicious of Jake. Dirk never was suspicious about Jake, even though he isn't in a stable of mind.

"John? You mean the dude who killed his father and is Dave's cellmate?"

Jake giggles and nods.

"He's innocent…"

"Innocent?"

"He's pure."

Jake just giggles again. Dirk had learned a few things about Jake, one is that he doesn't want to get laid and that those that Jake calls "pure" in Jake's good side. Observation is always needed with almost anything. Bro, AKA their actual guardian and trainer, had told him and Dave this. It helps.

"So… are you going to see your little brother, Dirk…?"

"Not really. He's most likely fu–hanging out with that new cellmate of his."

Dirk has to make sure he doesn't say anything that will make Jake go all berserk on his twin brother. Dave may be an annoying dummkopf but Dave is indeed his twin brother and partner in crime. And Dave is an asset to the whole escape plan.

"Well old bean, that's quite kind of that brother of yours…" Jake cutely giggles. "I hope they have a ripsnorting time!"

Dirk can't help but snort. That "ripsnorting time" is most likely Dave fucking that nice ass of his. But then again, Dave has more class and won't exactly rape him.

"But then again, John is all tuckered up since he got the rat's blood on that cheek of his…"

"Tuckered up?"

"Yes, he went out quick like Christ on grilled cheese…" Jake cutely giggles again. "He's in the infirmary to take a good ol' nap."

Dirk really hopes that the cellmate is okay since Dave may be a dick but being brother and partner and shit like that, Dirk has to be concerned of his rather bare sex and/or love life, especially it had been some time since he last been interested with someone. Dave usually becomes way too possessive with the person that he lust for and always ends the relationship harshly so he wouldn't get too attached or because he had to leave for a mission he can't refuse.

"So Jake, got anything you want to do? I have time after my daily exploring."

Jake smiles, almost patting Dirk with a bloodied hand. But since Dirk doesn't want unneeded therapist blood on him, he does a quick step back. Dirk may think Jake is cute but there are some things, like unnecessary blood on him, he can't do to Dirk.

"Why, I just believe I do need a nap, too… Yes… A nap seems necessary for this old melon of mine… I'll be on the top as always, of course…"

Dirk nods. He knows that Jake has always slept or the top bunk and gotten almost sucker punched when he tried to help Jake with a very bad nightmare. And naps do make Jake more… stable.

"Make sure you wash your hands, mein Freund."

Jake smiles and nods. The smile rather looks a bit saner than the rest of his cute smile.

"I will, you silly nilly willy."

Okay, Dirk can't help but let out just a small chuckle at that. Jake seems to always lighten Dirk's mood with weird words he say.

"Well then, I'll see you again in the cell…" Jake frowns and seems to struggle at something. But before Dirk could possibly help or anything, Jake smiles again and does a wet snap with his bloody fingers. "Freund! Yes… that's it… I'll see you again, freund…"

Dirk waves and maybe even smiles at his cellmate.

Again, in a weird way, Jake is indeed cute.

* * *

"Look Thrider, the thythtem ith harder than it lookth. I'll thay it again, I got lucky, being outthide of prithon and thit, to be athigned ath a guard than join you guyth."

Sollux is a lanky Asian who was supposed to be a prisoner like the rest since he is a master hacker who tried to see drugs and steal plenty of money under the "name of the government". Dirk and Dave know him a bit personally.

Dirk killed the man who fucked up his older brother, Mituna. Dave had a "two"-night stand with him.

He's just a dichromatic bipolar guy they are acquaintance of.

"Is there any way you could hack the system in the control system?"

Sollux gives a rather sour look. "Eathier thaid than done."

Dirk nods, he understands that with a high security prison, it has to actually how high security. There were barely any blind spots except the typical corners that are most likely used to have the raping and the fucking. There are too many guards that are somehow committed to their work. There are security cameras that are almost well-positioned through and through. There are too many wires, secured entrances, secured exits, and fuck load of locks and annoying convicts who will mess everything the fuck up.

In summary, there are too many things that will stop their great escape from being a success.

"Tho, how'th Dave? Did he finally get a new cellmate? And a good one?"

Dirk can't help but smirk. "Yeah, he got a new one."

"And?"

"That dummkopf is already lusting over that arsch."

Sollux smirks back. "Finally, he'th taking interetht. The prick needth to get laid more often. Then again…"

"Halt den Mund."

Sollux raises an eyebrow in amusement. His dichromatic eyes are boring on the rather flustered Dirk. So what if Dirk hasn't had sex since he got in this shithole. Pretty much all the convicts here are unattractive and are unworthy for the body of a damn fine Strider.

Bro taught them that only worthy men and/or women will have a Strider's dick and/or ass. Even though Bro had a weird ass fetish for older men…

"Thtill going for the–"

"Yes, now shut the hell up."

"You do know that Englith doethn't want any thex ever thince the previouth thellmate and altho, he keepth thinking about that late niethe of hith."

"He's cute."

"Yeah, yeah, you told me. He'th cute in a weird kind of way, I know."

"So hurry up and hack, you still owe us."

Sollux's face then sours. Sure, he paid fully to murder the fucker but Sollux actually tried to rob money from the Striders to pay medical bills for Mituna and a new and another computer for him. Thus fully explaining why Sollux had a "two"-night stand with Dave… which equals Sollux owing a fuck ton of money to the Striders, more than twice what the mission was.

"Fuck you, Thtrider."

"Sorry but my ass is reserved for non-bipolar douchebags."

Sollux flips Dirk off and walks away, grumbling curses.

Arschloch…

* * *

"W-What do w-want, Strider?"

Dirk seriously doesn't want to talk to Eridan but in one way or another, he somehow has valuable information for some reason. He is also one of the easiest people to manipulate.

"You know what I want, Ampora."

"Look, Strider, I don't know-w w-what you're talking about. And cod off, I havve business to take care of."

"And you have information that I want, Ampora."

Eridan takes a step back, easily revealing that he indeed has information. So, Dirk glares down and takes a commanding step toward the fishy bastard. Bro taught him to be intimidating naturally and how to use it well.

And just like always, it's a hook, line, and sinker. Or whatever the fuck means that Dirk got his victim right where he wants him…

"_Well? _I'm already losing patience, _Ampora_. Do you want English to know what you said about his darling niece?"

"You w-wouldn't dare!"

"I am and I will, as it said and goes. Now, _Ampora_… tell the _information_."

Eridan makes a barely audible gulp. English had beaten up one of his best goon and almost killed the goon and go after Ampora. English somehow got a plastic knife, a surprisingly sharp one, and jabs it near to the goon's throat. It took a few or some guards to hold him down, even with Tasers.

Of course, Dirk stayed with Jake in the infirmary after that incident. Dirk nodded at every positive comment that Jake made about "defending" Dirk. And Dirk patted his back and tried his best to sooth Jake at every negative comment of how he failed to end someone once again.

Jake ended up sleeping and drooling on his shoulder…

"Alright, alright! I don't w-want that psycho anyw-where near me!"

"_Speak_."

"Of course, of course, I get it!" Eridan speaks with his hands up in surrender. "It's just some facts about the fresh fish, that's all."

"Like?"

"W-Well, he's supposed to be some heir of some bakery company. From w-what I heard, he had plenty of money."

"And?"

"No records of other crimes…"

"And?"

"He's an Aries! Second degree of murder! W-What the hell do you w-want to know-w!"

Dirk stares down at Eridan, who's actually trying to put up a "strong" front. From what he heard, ever since a chainsaw incident that nearly got Eridan killed, Ampora is now only half the confident asshole he was.

It looks like that's all Eridan knows… for now…

So, Dirk immediately walks away from Ampora who's most likely confused as fuck.

Why?

Because Dirk is a Strider and Bro taught confusion fuels fear and looks completely badass doing so.

Well, there's that as well as Dirk just can.

* * *

"For fuck's sake bro, stop ogling at the guy! He looks like some guy in a coma that we once killed."

"Hey, you get your ogle with that psycho of yours; I'm going to get my ogle with this cutie. You have your and now I have mine, bro."

Dirk groans, actually putting a hand on his face. Dave just has to stare at his cellmate who's pretty much unconscious, like some precious and valuable gem or whatever that's ironic. Dirk really hopes Dave just fucks the new cellmate and be bored with him already…

"And seriously, dude looks like he's sleeping and that's fine. I know you do the same with the psycho. And hey, at least John doesn't drool like some pit-bull and looks quite cute as he is right now unlike Jake. Seriously, Jake looks like he'll strangle anyone that goes near him."

"That's because he does."

"Know that from experience?" Dave smirks.

Dirk immediately smacks Dave behind the head. He knows what Dave is going on. Dave actually believes that Dirk will actually fuck Jake. There are two problems.

Erstens, Jake is obviously not a sane person and who still affected about his niece's death.

Und Zweitens, there's no way in hell that Jake will let Dirk fuck him and Dirk just likes him as a cute partner in crime. That is all.

"So, do you have my zigaretten?"

Dave immediately pulls out a box of cigarettes, the good ones it seems.

"Lighter?"

Dave shrugs his shoulders. He's still staring at John.

"Arschloch."

Dave seriously needs to get laid. Dave had been laughing like an excited mad man with their failed escape. Then again, they should have been more patience by staying there more than just a week. Since really, they actually got caught with one of their missions. Murderers are suspicious and of course they would go high about when the Striders drove off on that car…

And Dirk seriously needs a new lighter… the one he has now barely makes a light.

"Mm…" Huh, it looks like Johnny boy is waking up. Of course, due to his over the damn line of lust, Dave just leans way too near to his cellmate. It almost looks like a weird ass yet ironic cliché fairy tale, where the "prince" leaning down to kiss a dumb sleeping princess. "W-What happen…?"

John blinks a little and rubs his eyes a little. Dirk has got to admit… John is indeed cute, especially cute enough to fuck in the ass.

But when Dirk would actually fuck the blue-eyed cutie is when he wants Dave on his bad side and have his own penis sliced in half… perpendicularly…

Striders don't steal what the other Strider wants, especially with so-called "lovers".

"I had the weirdest dream that I'm actually in prison… and I have a scary cellmate and–"

In a quick snap, it seems John is staring wide-eyed as if completely caught in the act and is horrified as he stares at Dave's eyes. He actually reacts funny. John seems to be silently screaming and hyperventilating as he quickly tries to crawl away from Dave.

Then, John falls off of the bed. And with a small yet audible bam, John is knocked out by the floor…

But what John had said… Dirk chuckles.

"So, you're a scary cellmate to him, huh?" Dirk smirks.

"Shut up."

"And pretty much ran away from you." Dirk then chuckles. "Or rather, _crawl_."

"Get the fuck away, bro."

"Pretty sure he isn't interested in you anytime soon."

"Verpiss dich."

"Sure thing… _scary_ cellmate."

Dirk exit after dodging a rather sharp item thrown by Dave, chuckling all the way and actually forgetting about being in a bad mood and having a lighter with barely any light.

* * *

Of course, that happy mood didn't last long since Dirk is back in his cell and has plenty of cigarettes but no light. This is horrible irony…

Jake is on his top bunk and giggling about something.

Dirk tries once again to get a light but like the others, it's just a click. There's nothing but a click and a flush from this shitty lighter. No fuel to actually light a fire, Dirk is stuck in his cell with an unused cigarette in his mouth. Dirk is going to get Dave for this…

Sure, Dirk can perform patience and charm like a badass professional but those are only for jobs. There is no way in all irony that Dirk could have patience through and through. It's like not being pissed off by Dave's so-called "irony" which is shitty English rap (thank fuck he doesn't rap in German) and then there' that shitty webcomic that Dave used when he had little knowledge of English.

"Dirk…" Well fuck, Jake is looking at him and is chuckling. Dirk likes Jake but there are those fits that can be rather scary at times. "Where's that little light of yours…?"

Dirk looks at Jake's emerald eyes, unstable and wide, as they bore on his. Jake giggles and actually pokes at Dirk's cheek. Luckily, Jake's finger is clean and had no gashes yet. And Jake giggles again as well as pokes his cheek.

Sure, Dirk is semi-glad inside that Jake isn't having a fit but…

"Jake, what the hell are you doing?"

"Language, Dirk… Language…"

"Okay, what are you doing?"

Jake cutely giggles. His upside-down head disappears to the bank before he fully gets down, smiling sort of sane-like. Of course, Dirk immediately sits up just in case if Jake wants to do something called "fisticuffs", something saner and better than a fit. But Jake just giggles cutely and suspiciously hiding both his hands behind his back as if he was some ironic mischievous kid up to no good.

"I want you to close your eyes…"

Dirk raises an eyebrow at the smiling green-eyed convict. Sure, Dirk does trust him in some way but…

"You're not going to do anything bad at me, are you?"

Jake giggles and shakes his head.

"Of course not, old chap… This… this is a good surprise… I promise… Cross my bloody heart and hope to die with a needle on that scoundrel's eye…"

Dirk chuckles a little on the inside at the last part. In a way, it's ironically funny.

Dirk sighs and actually closes his eyes. His assassin training and experience will help him so he shouldn't feel uneasy. And Jake never did lie to him.

He then hears a familiar click… and feels a familiar burning sound.

"You can open your peepers now…"

Dirk does open his eyes and the cigarette that he has on his mouth… it's lit… Dirk looks at the still smiling Jake who has what seems to be a new lighter…

"The rat had it in those dirty pockets of his… You were also clicking a lot lately…"

Dirk can't help but let a smile of appreciation as he takes a deep inhale and enjoys the warm cloud in his lungs. It's… quite nice really. Jake had those moments where he isn't that unstable sadistic person but… rather caring, kind of like his cuteness, in a weird kind of way.

So what if Dirk has this weird hybrid of admiration and crush on Jake, it's not going to be some bother or weakness on him.

Dirk ironically has a thing or two for weirdness.

"Oh Dirk…" Jake then coos out of nowhere. He actually gently grabs Dirk's chin and swipes the still burning cigarette out of his mouth. Jake cutely giggles. "Shh…"

Dirk can't help but freeze. It's not because he sees bad effects from Jake's fits. Nope, Jake is getting closer to his face… _really_ getting close to him… It's not deadly but it's dangerous…

Dirk can feel the warm breath of Jake, the barely brushing lips on his. Shit, Dirk hasn't felt this edgy since his first killing mission as Jake chuckles and stares at him with those green eyes. He then feels the strong pink muscle actually licking his lower lip. Dirk tries to open his mouth yet the hand on his chin is firmly gripping it, keeping the mouth closed and shut.

Then Jake does a weird open-mouth kiss over Dirk's lips.

Dirk closes his eyes as he feels the licking of Jake's rough tongue as well as the hard sucking, most likely going to cause his damn lips to become plump and hot red. This isn't even a proper kiss yet it's very satisfactory to Dirk. The hand is still gripping his chin, causing Dirk to not move and Jake in control, sucking harsh and licking sensationally…

Suddenly, Jake stops.

His lips and tongue moves away from Dirk's lips and Jake smiles.

"There…" Jake coos. "Your lips aren't dry anymore, old chap…"

Jake puts the still burning cigarette back to Dirk's mouth and the lighter on Dirk's lap. He chuckles and goes back to his top bunk as if nothing happened…

Bro had taught both Dave and Dirk not to fall in love…

Then again, Bro was a shitty teacher…

* * *

**And we have now introduced the four main characters!**

**I'm beginning to actually have fun with the characters, not really worry much about any of them being OOC. They are quite unique in their very own way!**

**John is a bit of scaredy-cat but is kind and generous and has a fine ass while somehow being oblivious to obvious things.**

**Dave is a "smooth cool guy" who can battle his own fights and wants that Egbert ass.**

**Dirk is the supposed perfect assassin on a mission to escape but with one weakness, Jake. **

**And Jake is a complete psycho with a nice ass. :) **

**But before they can even escape, they'll have to face the prison life, especially John. :D **

**And thanks for reading, please review and bye-bye! **


	5. Pro I: Meet Jade

**I thank everyone for reviewing, favoriting, and following this fanfiction! It makes me so happy that many of you like this! **

**And Mistress, don't worry. Homestuck doesn't simply die, it goes god tier. :) **

**And if you want to, you can give your fanfiction name though I do love to read your unique reviews. :) **

* * *

_**Pro I: Meet Jade**_

* * *

_Christ on a bagel, Jake is by far nervy to meet his niece! _

_He actually didn't hear about this mystery niece since he got the call from a rather bummered up lady about that brother of his went somewhere in the unknown while leaving his child at a crummy ghetto. She told him that he should pick her up and take care of the neglected child or have the adoption center take care of her. And Jake couldn't let the child go out in such a foreign and frightening territory…_

_In a way, he can be a father figure, an actual good one! _

_Jake promised himself that he won't neglect her like others and be an inspiring and caring figure like sweet, dear, and late Grandma…_

"_Mr. Harley? Is there a Mister Harley here?" _

"_A-Actually it's English. Harley is my brother's and mother's–"_

"_Don't care, just follow me."_

_Jake raises an eyebrow in question at the cranky yet young man. Wonder what's his problem…_

_He follows him though, nerves are all high and in defense. Oh boy, wonder what his niece looks like? Is she nice? Is she shy? Will she like him as her new guardian? _

_Jake hopes she at least likes him…_

_That niece needs a loving figure and it will be more than a challenging adventure if she doesn't like him… Hope she likes guns…_

"_Here is the room, Mr. Harley." _

"_Um, it's–"_

"_Hurry up, she's waiting."_

_Jake can't help but sigh. It's quite understandable that the man is a lonely and single man who would have given no warning of loneliness and pain. And Jake should give up that the man wouldn't even bother to remember his last name and actually use his needed effort for that niece of his…_

_Jake opens the door and sees her…_

"_Jade, meet your new guardian. I hope you two get along well. I'll be off at the office to help others." _

_He hears the door close with a loud click and sees Jade's green eyes staring at him behind big circle glasses. She had crazy long hair that doesn't seem to have been washed or brushed for weeks. She had a white shirt with an interesting contraption on it, like an atom or some sort like that. She had what seems to be the traditional overbite that his family seems to have with it formed in a thin line._

"_Who are you?" She asks. _

_Jake smiles reassuringly. "Why, I am your uncle, Jade." _

_She shrinks a little and begins to draw something. Jake can't help but feel the rather tenseness in the room. Jade doesn't say anything and draws while Jake stands there…_

"_Um… are you really going to take care of me…?" She asks. "Is there… rules I should follow…?"_

"_Rules?" _

_"Daddy and mommy had rules of their own. All the adults have rules I heard…" _

"_Well… I don't have rules just yet actually!" _

_With wide eyes, Jade looks at Jake. She stops drawing and stares at the nervously laughing Jake. _

"_You have no rules? Even the rule where I can't eat until my chores are done? All of the adults have that rule, right?" _

"_A rule where you can't –why, that's completely bonkers! Why would I make a rule like that?!"_

"_Well…" Jade then looks away. And then she scribbles a little here and there._

"_Look Jade," Jake comforts, taking a careful step forward to his niece. "I will take care of you properly… with love… and kindness… And I will never neglect you…" _

"_Neglect…? You mean… you want me to be with you…?" _

"_Of course."_

"_But why?" _

_Jake chuckles and is near enough to Jade to crouch down and look straight at Jade's pure green eyes. She looks –no, is innocent. No innocent should be wasted and be corrupted, especially Jade… Jake will make her happy and loved…_

_Yes… he will…_

"_Because Jade, you are my pride and joy, my sweet little niece, and I fully and truly love you…" And it's all in the heart, too. Jake smiles at his rather shocked niece with eyes so pure and… happy…_

_And –oh bollocks, she's crying! This is bad! This is flipping fucking sake's bad! _

"_T- …Thank you…"_

"…_What…?" _

"_Thank you… thank you so much… I'm… I'm so happy!" _

_Jake can't help but tilt his head while Jade seems to quietly sob. _

"_Don't mean to be rude and all… but may I ask why you are so happy?" _

_Then Jade finally smiled at him. Her buckteeth made her smile shine bright and white as if given a gift so wonderful and so generous. Jade really did look cute and beautiful to Jake, as if Jade was his child rather than his niece. Jade didn't deserve such abandonment or rules only to have no precious childhood memories. She deserves only a proper and ripsnorting childhood. _

"_Y-You… actually love me…"_

_Jake can't help but struggle a little as he tries to take steps closer while still in his crouching position. He still wanted to be eye level with Jade but with this type of boots, it's rather a twisting and turning puzzle that Jake has to struggle with the old noggin of his._

_It seems Jade gets it as an adorable giggle goes out of her and she actually skips to where Jake is. She is also holding the paper that she's been drawing on. And before Jake could open his mouth and ask the obvious, Jade holds her darling picture out for Jake's eyes to see. Jake blinks and smiles. _

_It was a picture of her… and a big white wolf. _

"_This is Becquerel! He likes glowy green sticks!"_

_The wolf was drawn with a green crayon rather than regular black and had no eyes. The drawn Jade is… a robot? Jake could only tell that it's Jade since her name is above written with the same green crayon. She's almost fully drawn in gray with two red circles as glasses or eyes while having a blue dot or squiggle in the middle. It seems like the drawn robot Jade is playing a fetch with this Becquerel wolf thing. It's rather really cute. _

"_And I have more! …If you want to…"_

_Jake can't help but sit down and actually take the picture, carefully of course. Jake smiles down on the picture, loving the innocence that is in this picture. He never did get to draw, always wondering around with no one to tell. And here this is… an expression of an adventure…_

"_Of course, Jade… I would love to." _

_Jade jumps and squeals in happiness and excitement. She skips to her table and gets a bundle of pictures. She has a really, really, __**really**__ big smile on. Her green eyes are shining bright with happiness and hope, fully in innocence. She puts a picture in front of the picture that Jake had. It's Jade again, this time in human and in a witch suit. She puts another, Jade is an interesting dog ghost._

"_And this one is my favorite!" _

_Jake raises both eyebrows and gasps a little. This one… is quite a noggin surprise. _

_It's quite… detailed…_

_He sees the curves, smooth and light, as they create the body. The hair is smooth, lines being together to create locks of precious and well-taken hair. Her eyes are quite… cartoonish but not like those dots and circles of simplicity, it's very detailed and… rather big. The clothes are detailed of course and would have been a divine and royal dress with frills and bows and would have been sewn delicately by many professionals to become in real life. And the paper itself is well-taken care of with just a few mindless smudges. _

"_A nice guy gave it to me! He actually found me in my room after daddy left me for weeks! He made me this and sends me here! He had a weird brother and son with him!" _

_Jake can't help but chuckle, relieved that there are more people who are so kind to do something so selfless. _

"_What's so funny, Mister?" _

"_Nothing… I'm just happy…" John then looks at Jade. Yes, he will love and care for her for the rest of her pure life… "And Jade…" _

"_Yeah…?"_

"_Call me Grandpa…" _

"_Okay… But you have to pinky-promise that you would, you know, love me… I-It's a really, really, really big promise!" _

_Jake chuckles again, this time with his pinky out. "I promise." _

_And something beautiful happens. Their pinkies are locked and bonded with a little fun squeeze while smiles on both of their faces. _

_Yes…_

_This will be everlasting…_

* * *

"Jade… Jade… Why did you have to go…? …Why Jade…? …Why…?"

Jake can't help but giggle and sob.

He had failed. He had failed so horribly…

"Jade… I'm so sorry… I didn't protect you… I'm sorry… so sorry…"

Jake uses his pinky –yes, that darling pinky of his… -to write her precious, sweet name on the stone wall. It feels –no, it's been so long since she passed away… but Jake will keep writing her precious, sweet name over and over again if he has to so he will never forget her…

Yes… even if Jake is now in the big house… he'll be out soon… and he's going to finish the job one day…

Yes… he'll get that scoundrel for causing the innocence, Jade, to disappear…

"Jade… Please forgive me… I broke our promise…"

Jake didn't care if the others hear his sobbing laughter… Let them hear…

"Jade… I'm so sorry… please… I-I…"

And thus his sobs and laughter echoes throughout, as if he was just a mourning ghost.

For Jake had lost Jade and she's forever gone…

His innocence and sanity…

Gone… and gone forever…

* * *

**Well, I have to explain something. **

**You see, I name my chapters a bit strangely as you can tell. There are "Pros" and "Cons". **

"**Pros" are chapters having to do with what happened in the past as a memory or past event, making them "prologues". **

"**Cons" are chapters happening in the present and are always in a convict's view (AKA the main four characters), thus making them "continue" in the present. **

**Hopefully, that doesn't confuse any of you. **

**Well, thanks for reading, please review! Bye!**


	6. Con V: Intimidation

**I'm glad you guys like my first "Pro", psychos aren't born but are made. **

**And Mistress, thank you for giving your fanfiction name! Again, thank you… Jenn-Jenn! :D**

**P.S. To the reviewer named "Anton", I would like to say that it's thanks to Jenn-Jenn that my German is getting better. **

* * *

_**Con V**_

_**Intimidation**_

* * *

No, Dave isn't disappointed.

Why the fuck would he?

No, he isn't disappointed because the cutie known as John is actually scared of him.

John should have been grateful that he had the attention of a Strider, especially one that is the most attractive. I mean, Dave even has a good decent big penis that hasn't caught an annoying ass STD when he was born with it.

Sure, it might hurt as John seems to have a nice, _tight_ ass but Dave will do more than just finding and touching~.

"Well, Egbert, you somehow fell in your sleep but everything is fine and functioning. You may go with your cellmate to your cell. You also missed recess. Good-bye."

John nods and quietly thanks the doctor/nurse… thing. Seriously, no one knows if it has a dick or a pussy.

Dave doesn't look at John, he doesn't care about him. The cutie is all on his own. Dave has no interest on a timid cute. John doesn't deserve his giant cock…

"Um… D-Dave…?" Fuck…! His voice is cute! How the fuck did he forgets that! Fuck! He wants to fuck him against a wall! "You're not mad at me… are you…?"

Dave just crosses his arms, looking away from the fine ass cutie. So what if the cutie is scared of him? It's not like he's scared that Dave's gigantic shaft might split that pucker hole~…

"Dave… Look, I'm really sorry about what I said… I didn't mean to…"

Come on Strider, you can make it. His ironic gentleman ways won't rape the blue-eyed cutie since really, raping is fucked up. He's an assassin, not some fucked up loser who can't handle an extra Y chromosome or doesn't know how to be a fucking human being. Plus, rapists scream like little bitches when Dave slices and/or rips their manhood off their pathetic body.

Yes, Dave needs to think his and the Striders' way of tormenting rapists than the cutie with those buckteeth that will feel nice when he has his mouth on his –Fick!

Okay, so what if Dave hasn't fucked for quite some time and there's an adorable and fuckable blue-eyed cutie right next to him. Dave has standards! He does the willing! He's a Strider, bitches go to him! He doesn't beg or scare bitches to get them!

"Um… I think you look… sort of handsome…?"

Okay, Dave snorts at this.

Sort of handsome? Please, he's a Strider. He's always full-on handsome.

"Oh! W-We're here! Um! I guess we'll go to, um, our beds right and–"

"Halt den Mund."

Oh Scheiße, Dave did not mean to do that. Sure, it silent the cutie but of course, his insides had to stab him with guilt. It's all because Striders can't seem to handle their sexual wanting and needing, especially a blue-eyed beauty that should be all naked with his ass wide open for Dave's one-eyed monster. Yes, Dave likes to call his Dave Junior a shit ton of things just for the irony and raps.

Dave immediately takes the top bunk since he didn't get a chance to take a ruck buddy during recess and maybe, just maybe, to "investigate" how his new cellmate sleeps. Okay, John is too much of being a minx that Dave had actually gave him a second chance with "little" Dave.

Seriously, one glance on that ass equals lust and "forgiveness" with its roundness and plushness.

Even though it's not sleeping time, John seems to make a decision to take a nap with a "hungry" Strider predator above him. He takes a big yawn, showing how wide his mouth can take. Oh yes, it's wide and deep enough~… And he rubs his eyes a little before he goes asleep.

…Okay, John is too fucking delectable, Dave must fuck him.

* * *

Scheiße!

Of course, Dave gets morning wood…

It's waking time and breakfast is just a few minutes or so till breakfast. Dinner was uneventful yesterday except both Striders are sexually frustrated with his bucktoothed cellmate. Though it seems Dirk got something as his lips were plumpy red and that blush on his face… Glückspilz…

John still was a bit tired yet he didn't talk to anyone. Jake only got nods and shakes from John's head while the psycho was petting and chuckling as well. Though, there are times when Jake suspiciously called John as "Jade" for some reason…

But that was about it. Dave is sexually frustrated with his new cellmate while said new cellmate while said new cellmate thinks he's scary.

And there's no way in hell Dave will do what Bro does, wear a seifuku.

"Um, good morning Dave!" Jesus fucking Christ!

Immediately, Dave tries to cover the obvious bulge in his pants by crossing his leg over it. Fuck, he didn't know John is a damn morning person! Dave tries to glare John off, really not wanting to scare him but there's no way he's going to let him see the dick just like that.

Striders have more class than showing their enormous reproductive organ to the whole world.

"Oh, you're awake… That's good!" John smiles in an awkwardly cute way. Yup, he's still scared of Dave for some reason. Seriously, the dude killed his father. "D-Do you still want to sit together…?"

Of course, Dave doesn't give an answer, not a verbal one. He's still a bit… agitated about the whole "scary cellmate" thing. He just goes down off of his bunk as swift and badass as he can, intentionally trying to ignore the cutie on the side.

"…Dave…?"

Dave just turns and looks at his cellmate of his looks upset at Dave's actions. His sky blue eyes shines with forming tears and sadness as they seem to stare right at the Strider's soul.

'_Why are you so mean, Dave?'_ those eyes seem to say, _'And why can't you get this ass?'_

Usually Dave would just show a sexy wink and smirk to get some but with John… he's definitely a challenge… and a tease. Seriously, the guy is such a seducing adorable minx than any male or female Dave had slept with. But before John could shed a tear or Dave finally saying something, the obnoxious guards came, yelling them to hurry up for breakfast.

And John immediately and quickly goes out the cell… at least John isn't just scared of Dave…

And just like lunch and dinner yesterday…

Downstairs…

Take a right…

And voila and déjà vu, here is the place that serves shitty meals.

Since it's still early and there aren't as many morning people like John, the line is short and quick. The trays are all clean so Dave doesn't really care about getting a dirty one. There's almost fully expired milk with loaves of extremely dry… stuff. Really, breakfast is easily the easiest and laziest meal to make. All the convicts need to do is get the stale milk and the loaves and "easy-to-make-by-putting-fucking-water" oatmeal.

Quick and easy, Dave got his shitty breakfast as well as John. Of course, his brother and psycho Jake are closer to the cafeteria so they are already in their seats. Dirk is back to "normal" as he has an open and smitten smile on him as he stares at the smiling Jake who is literally playing his food.

"Sup Dirk, still unrequited?" Dave smirks and sits on his usual seat while Dirk now glares at him.

"Ich werde Sie am Ende."

"Yeah, yeah, love you too."

"Why… Hello John… How are you…?" Jake coos and giggles about something. "Are you… well-rested…?"

"Oh! Um, yeah…"

"Wonderful…" Jake giggles again and actually pets John's hair… "A child should always have the proper sleepy time… It brings a bright and awakening future…"

Of course, there's Jake. He's more than just fucked up scary as he literally stabbed more than just prisoners and has had more than just his blood on his face and hands. Jake somehow easily manipulated prison employees from any death sentence and has battled Dave's ex-cellmate, the ICP wannabe Makara, with a few bruises and scratches compared to others.

And it was Jake's fault that John fainted on his first day… and said those words…

"So, _scary cellmate_," Oh Fuck no! Dirk did not have to bring that shit up! Of course, Dave immediately glares at the now smirking Dirk. "How's John?"

"John…? Why, isn't he here with us, Dirk…?" Jake asks, tilting his head in curiosity and question at Dirk. "You should ask John… it's more proper…"

"Of course, Jake," Dirk said while still looking and smirking at his rather annoyed brother. "So John, what do you feel about Dave? Hopefully he isn't too _scary_ for you."

Dave could feel one of his eyes twitch… _just_ a little… Oh, make fun of the rather frustrated brother why don't you…

"U-Um…!"

"Why would you… ask such a silly nilly question like that, Strider…? …Did Davey do something to you…? I'll break his pinky or two…"

"U-Um!"

"Oh come now, John, I believe you can easily answer me and Jake about Dave. You did kill that father of yours."

"U-Um, I–"

"Oh please tell, John… I'll break him… and protect you…"

"W-Well, you see, um–!"

"Well John," Dave finally speaks to John and looks at him with narrowed eyes. "What do you actually think about me?"

John stares at Dave with wide eyes and is paling real fast…

As if the pressure finally cracked him, John sat up in a flash. "I-I have to go!"

And then John quickly walks away from the group to the bathroom. And Dave realizes the quote, _"I hate it when you leave but I love watching you go,"_ is quite accurate. Thank fuck Ampora isn't seeing the beauty of that ass…

But of course, there are things that need to be settled for Dave and that blue-eyed cutie. The sexual tension and frustration in Dave is far than enough as it's been enough as it's been like a century since he last fucked something while cutie-cellmate just had to be blessed by the plush rump god with that ass of his…

That's it. Dave is going out of his way to fuck ass.

"I'm going to help John with the bathroom. Be right back."

"Oh…good luck, Strider…"

"Hey bro, what are you–"

Of course, Dave didn't hear what Dirk has to say as he quickly gets out of his seat and flash-steps his way to the bathroom. Luckily, there are no guards…

Striders don't beg or scare people to get them. But there are exceptions especially ones with fine asses.

Of course, Dave has to first carefully and quietly open the first bathroom door. Luckily this one doesn't creak at all and Dave can hear… the running water of one sink… meaning John is all alone there… for now~…

Of course, Dave can see part of John… the good and lower part~…

Yup, he's definitely an exception.

"Oh man…" Oh? John is speaking to himself… "What am I supposed to say? What? Yes I think Dave is kind of scary but–"

"But what about me, cutie?" Okay, so Dave walks in like a badass he is while John squeaks in surprise and fear, even falling onto his ass. "Come on, you can tell me. I won't bit… very hard."

"D-Dave! I-I-"

John tries to get up, failing as he trips somehow and falls on his ass again. He looks really scared now. He's not looking at Dave… but at the door.

Dave inwardly chuckles, amused that John would think of trying to escape from him, a well skilled and trained assassin. But he needs to waste no time doing a little game of blocking. Dave flash-steps close to the blue-eyed scaredy-cat and immediately grabs one of his rather soft hands as he pulls both of them into a stall.

Of course, with great experience and training, Dave easily gets the stall door locked while doing an easy move on John. He simply twists and takes a smooth and swift steps and Bam!

Dave has John's cute face on the stall door while his back and nice, perky ass in front of Dave. Quite a wonderful thing…

"Now John, you weren't thinking of escaping of me, _right_?" Dave purrs.

John squeaks as Dave's grip on his wrist goes tighter. Sure, Dave is being a bit of a bully but there's no way a Strider is a pushover.

This may not be his usual style of getting laid but hey, Dave is sexually frustrated and needs that Egbert ass. He'll be gentle of course. Dave still wants John to at least enjoy it. So Dave won't put his gigantic cock in that ass, he'll need to loosen it a little~.

Well, Dave doesn't have any lube or any substances so–

"P-Please…"

Hmm? Dave looks away from the premium ass and… Oh shit.

Dave blames Dirk for being such a weird ass anime freak as he describes what he is now feeling: all doki-doki shit at the kawaii eyes as they are all uke-teary and looking at him in such a moe way. AKA, John is all teary-eyed and looking way too cute as a huge fuck ton of guilt body-slams Dave's stomach and entire body.

Yup, all that sex frustration is conquered by the adorable guiltiness and guilty adorableness of John…

"P-Please Dave…" John sobs. "P-Please don't hurt me…"

…Fuck…

Okay, so what if Dave lets go of John's wrist, freeing him. So what if Dave unlocks the stall door and help John a little so the cutie won't fall on his face? And so what if John ran straight out of the bathroom without any pause, pretty much hinting and yelling at Dave that he's still a "scary cellmate".

…_Fuck_, why did he have to be so cute…?

The cutie is going to be the death of him rather than the awesome and ironic stabbed by a thousand shitty swords…

There's that and suffocation of a fuck pile of smuppets…

Still, John Egbert will be the sexual frustration and end of Dave Strider…

* * *

**Well, one of the art posts actually tells that Dave tries to intimidate John but can't handle his cuteness but of course, John is still scared shitless since Dave is indeed a murderer. **

**Really, Dave here is indeed a badass guy when the moment comes but just like any psychotic human being, he has his weird yet interesting faults. One being he has a complete thing for fine asses and John is his cute weakness. :)**

**Of course, John will be next and there are more things scarier than a handsome German assassin, real bullying convicts who want that ass.**

**Thank you for reading! Please review! Bye!**


	7. Con VI: Getting Used To

**First of all, I was actually trying to get him to say is "I will end you," Jenn-Jenn. Please give me the right translation as always. Thanks again for helping! **

**And then there's a reviewer called Calibrates who has indeed surprised me with her/his/ (other pronouns) review. I got to admit, I did get offended. But thanks for standing up and rant to me to make sure that this fanfiction doesn't go bad. As scary and offending that was, **

**But please give me a warning in the beginning please… **

**Well! Time for John!**

* * *

_**Con VI**_

_**Getting Used To**_

* * *

Holy shit! John somehow escaped!

He did not know how but boy is he glad!

John had immediately skipped breakfast, standing near a guard and watching at the group. Dave just walked out of the bathroom just a few minutes after John escaped there and went back to his group. As much as John was hungry for breakfast, he couldn't handle Dave…

But…

How the hell did John escaped? Sure, he didn't get hurt and should be relieved about it but… that's the thing! John didn't do any struggle that would explain how Dave released him… or how the door somehow got unlocked…

Did… Dave did that on purpose…? And why?

"Hey athhole, what the fuck are you doing?" Okay! John turns his head to see a guard. He has weird spiky hair, is tall and lanky, and has 3D shades. "Thouldn't you be with the otherth? The food thuckth but thith ith all you are going to get till lunch."

"Um… I just don't have the stomach, that's all." John said. He's a bit uncomfortable with the guard but hey, at least he isn't a convict. "I mean, I feel like people are just going through the trash and voila! Here's your meal!"

The guard snorts. "The guardth aren't getting anything different. We have to eat whatever the group ith making thince the both ith a thadithtic athhole."

John can't help but giggle. The lisp in this guard is really strong! John knows he's not supposed at others' "disability" but it's just funny! It made him successfully ignore the still overwhelming feeling of being in prison.

"I guess we're suffering all alike, huh…"

And now there's that uncomfortable silence again…

Usually John would be all open and smiles but seriously, there are scary guys that could be axe murderers for all he knows!

"Tho," Oh thank God, the guard is speaking! "I thaw you with that thellmate of yourth and I can't help but thee you being really uncomfortable as thit."

Oh, it looks like John was pretty obvious and it's on his first day too… Man, that seems really pussy of him to do but hey, he has a good reason! John may not be the most kind or generous person there is but he wouldn't kill his father! And well, of course he's going to be overwhelmed by this!

He's even sharing a cell with a fucking _assassin_!

"Yeah… I-I don't think I can get used to this…"

The guard looks at John and raises an eyebrow. "You killed your own father and you don't think you're going to get uthed to prithon or be relieved that you have a good thellmate?"

Now John looks at the guard. "Dave's a good cellmate?"

"Look, I've been in thith dump for thome time and I've have theen crazy thit going on in here with thellmateth. You're one of the lucky few that don't have to take that kind of bullthit and one that actually have an athhole who careth about you."

John blinks. He almost can't believe what he's hearing from a guard!

Dave cares about him?!

John then looks where Dave is. Sure, John doesn't see Dave's face and can only see the back of his head but… he doesn't look angry.

Is Dave… a good cellmate…?

* * *

Okay, maybe John looks –or rather, "examines" the cellmate of his.

Of course, John had to man up about it before he could even begin but there's no way he is pussying out anymore! Dad always did say to be open for everything even though he never was open about John being homosexual…

And John doesn't it for a few days.

And easily, Dave is saner than Jake.

Yeah, that shouldn't be something good but Jake has been… frequent around with John, always somehow being there with him. Jake seems to like his hair a lot as he keeps petting it. It seems Jake has something with self-harming himself, especially on his fingers. Jake chewed them as if it was some constant habit that the therapist wasn't so surprised of.

On the second day John's in prison. he's with suspiciously a new therapist...

Dave doesn't chew his fingers and doesn't seem to go to therapy at all. The constant habit that he seems to have is really, to have a pebble inside the weird shoe-boot thing that all the prisoners have. He usually takes the pebble of his and throws it against a wall like it's his usual leisure time. There's no finger-crunching at all.

And he raps. While John can't exactly look from the bottom bunk without looking suspicions, he could hear what Dave is speaking or rather rap about. And boy, those raps are shitty!

John tried his best to hide his snickers as Dave raps since he still is scared of Dave and –Oh my God! They're so shitty!

John really is lucky that he didn't burst out laughing.

And really, the leisure pebble-throwing time and the really shitty rapping make the assassin known as Dave to be less scary and more… human. Dave is still an assassin, AKA a murderer, but he's still human and not that complete psychopath in TV. The one thing that Dave has something very similar to those assassins is being good-looking…

And it seems that Dave feels guilty about trying to break his arm, too!

Dave keeps his space around John unlike the first day where he seems to like to put his arm around his shoulder a lot. Dave keeps a couple of feet or more between them and doesn't seem to try at all to go into his personal bubble or space and rather does the opposite. Dave is quite generous too as he keeps getting his tray for all of the meal times, guard outside the bathroom when John needed to go, and he even lets John play with his pebble when he picks it up and throws it up like catching a ball until John actually sucked it up and gave it back to Dave.

And damn, Dave even gave his top bunk when John had enough guts to ask!

From what he learned from the movies, bunks are an important part to the prison life!

"By dickens, Johnny boy… are you alright…?" Jake then chuckles. "Do you want me to mash this inoperable melon of his…?"

John blinks out of his thinking mode and then sees Jake's still scary handiwork with the latest therapist. But…

"Um… that's a girl…"

Jake chuckles again. "Oh…? You must have not learned the vital lesson in this big house of ours… All therapists are complete scoundrels…! All males!"

John raises an eyebrow, trying to completely ignore the blood on the therapist's face that isn't her lipstick and be curious about why Jake would think all therapists are males.

"What do you mean, Jake? H-How can all therapists be males?"

Jake then giggles and finally releases the unconscious therapist to the ground.

"It's quite simple, Jade… All females are pure camaraderie of taintless wonder while males…" Jake licks his lips, actually cleaning some near blood off. "Males… all are scoundrels… Yes… even I-I too…"

And for the first time, John witnesses Jake… sobbing…

"Yes… I'm a scoundrel… the worst scoundrel… for sh-she…" Jake chokes out a sob… "The worst… the worst there is…"

Before John could say anything, Jake hugs him.

Oh god, oh god, there's blood on him!

There's blood! There's blood on John now!

His dad… all covered…

John pushes Jake away, not caring if Jake is a psycho. John tries to breath, feeling as if blood…blood it filling his lungs!

So much blood!

Why did there had to be so much… so much…

"…John…? Are you–"

"I-I need to go!"

"Oh…? You need to go potty…? Why didn't you say–"

But John doesn't wait and listen as he actually dashes away, away from all the blood and blood itself…

* * *

John takes a deep breath in.

He was lucky enough to find a bathroom with no help and is able to scrub and wash the blood off of him. His arms and face are a bit pink and warm while his palms sting a little. But John scrubbed and washed just about enough to get all the… _blood_ off of him…

And now all alone in this bathroom…John had time to think.

Why is John so scared of Dave…? His brother Dirk is way more intimidating… Jake is a complete psycho…

While Dave…

John sighs.

John definitely judged Dave way too soon and that was an asshole move…

There is seriously nothing that Dave is doing that makes him scary and what happened on the first day just made him uncomfortable. Maybe it's because of his inability to handle being really overwhelmed of him actually being in… _here_ that if a cute rabbit was his cellmate, John would embarrassingly be scared shitless of it.

And Dave is a really attractive and good-looking guy…

John sighs again.

If only he wasn't an assassin and murderer…

But really, Dad had told him that there are kind people with a bad background so they (him and Dad and others) shouldn't be so prejudiced about it. Vriska was a nice friend and "beard" even though her biological mother is a real pirate. She had a seven-pupil eye and a robotic arm and an obsession with spiders and the number eight yet she is the greatest friend that John has ever had.

She even gave him gay porn and a rather big vibrator after he came out to her accidently. She teased him about finding a "nice" bad boy for him as he was such a "goody two-shoes"… and that his type might "very" similar to bad boys…

So yeah, Dad is right about not being prejudiced though Dad was hypocritical about gays…

Dave may be a murderer but he's been so nice and friendly with John that he shouldn't be scared of Dave just because he got way too overwhelmed about being in prison…

From the way Dave is acting towards him... Dave just wants to be friends with him!

John sighs and giggles a little.

Of course! It was so obvious! Dave wants to be friends with him! He had been so friendly with him and never really did push and bully John around. In a way, that makes Dave a dork!

He should definitely apologize to Dave…

The weird bell echoes with rings and beeps before the speaker came.

"**HEY FUCKASSES! LOSERS FROM STUPID THERAPY ARE OUT!" **

John seriously doesn't know who does announcement but boy… he curses a lot… From the movies, the speaker always did it professionally…

But it's perfect timing!

Okay! No more overwhelming!

Time to apologize to Dave and hopefully have enough time to maybe do a game with him! Perhaps they can play something with pebbles! Maybe even –Oof!

"Well, well, well! Look at here, men! It's the Striders' and English's bitch!" Oh no… Who are these people?

"Ha! Look at what a pussy he is!"

Okay! These are the people John should panic about! John tries to get up and run away. But there's someone behind him. Fuck! The dude is hard like a boulder!

"Well you look at fucking that, the pussy actually tries to escape from us!"

Uh oh…

In a second later, John feels his breath taken out as the guy that had blocked him now pushes him. But John didn't hit the ground again. Another guy pushed him. And another and another and another! He could feel and hear the horrible laughter from them. In the end, John felt the cold, hard, and painful concrete on his face after the last harsh push.

"Fuck, the boy is easy!"

"Yeah, fucking easy!"

"The bitch can't even save himself!"

John can't help but sniff a little. This is even worse than Dave's attempt to break his wrist in the bathroom. The overwhelmness is coming back and kicking.

"Damn, this bitch's ass is fuck!"

"Yeah, at least the demon bastard got some good choice."

…What…?

"Hey, careful dude. He's a pro assassin. He'll kill ya."

"So fucking what? Satan's spawn ain't gonna know what's gonna hit him and those fuck-ugly red eyes of his."

Is actually talking _shit_ about John's cellmate?

"Oh look, bitchy boy is up. What are ya gonna do, bitchy boy? Go crying over fucking freak's co–"

_Bam!_

John blinks as he sees the guy talking shit about Dave fall down on his back with a really sever bloody nose.

…Whoops…

"Fuck! The bitch took him the fuck out!"

"Hey! Wake the hell up, man! You can't be fucked up by this bitch!"

But before John could attempt to escape again, something hits him behind. One of the guys in the circle must have punched him on the back of his head. John did not go unconscious but he definitely felt the impact and pain of it.

Another guy grabbed the collar of John's outfit with a fist looking ready to punch his face.

"That's it, bitch! Now you're gettin' it!"

John squeaks, squeezing his eyes shut to ready himself for the hit.

But he didn't feel it. He rather hears something. He opens his eyes to see the guy that was ready… got punched by Jake.

"You… You…" Jake growls and looking the angriest that John ever saw. His teeth are bare, his mouth is in a deep frown, and his eyes… "You rank-sleazy… boil-brained… fly-bitten bastards!"

John blinks once and Jake tackles the offender to the ground, repeatedly beating him. But the relief is short-lasted as a convict shows up right in front of him and– is now kicked away from John and is now unconscious…

What the–

"Hey, you alright?" John blinks again and turns his head to see… Dave…

"U-Um… y-yeah…" John inwardly kicks himself. Why the fuck did he stutter?! Jake is beating the shit out of a guy and Dave is just… staring at him…

As if Dave realizes John is finally staring back, he actually looks away. Why is Dave looking away…? Oh yeah, he must felt guilty about the whole wrist-breaking attempt thing.

John then looks down to see… the people who surrounded him all "asleep" and have pained looks. Dirk is actually here and is fighting and winning a fight with three guys while Dave and John just stand there…

"Hey Dave…" John begins, taking a deep breath in and out. "I'm sorry."

Immediately, Dave looks at him with wide eyes. Dave looks pretty much shocked and surprised on what John just said.

"Entschuldigen Sie mich? I mean, excuse me? Egbert, I should be apologizing, not you. I mean, fuck, it's like a kid taking one shitty cookie and the bitchy father bitch-slaps the child where the bitch father should calm his tits down and apologize rather than the kid offering himself as some weird ass human sacrifice for weird ass smuppets."

John can't help but actually giggle in the end. He seriously doesn't know what Dave is trying to do with that bizarre metaphor but Man! Did it lighten the mood! John begins to full-out laughing!

"Oh my God! Haha! Did you seriously –Haha!"

"Hey, as cute as the laugh may be, don't be dissing the Strider metaphor." But John could see that his cellmate is actually blushing.

John settles down his laughter and giggles to look at the flustered Dave. Well, he's not exactly flustered but he is blushing! Yup, Dave isn't scary at all…

"But really Dave, I'm sorry and all you did is just act natural that's all." It's a weird reaction but then again, John hates cake. "Sure, breaking anyone's wrist shouldn't be exactly forgiving but hey, I forgive you with that dorky rambling of yours."

"Breaking wrist…?" Then Dave has a straight face on. "And what are you calling "dorky rambling"? That was a divine sermon of one striking Strider assassin, Egbert."

John then laughs.

"I was overwhelmed." John begins. "I was overwhelmed by the whole… prison life, I guess, that I took it out on you. I mean, yeah, you're a bit intimidating but all you really wanted was a friend!" John didn't see the raising of one eyebrow of the bemused cellmate. "So… I guess I want us to be pals too! Sorry again for calling you scary!"

Dave then smirks and crosses his arms. "No problem, bro. Sorry for having a Stange up my ass just because you called me scary. I shouldn't be an arschloch because a Füchsin like you called me "scary". That was completely uncool in my part."

John can't help but feel relieved as he hugs Dave. He is glad that he doesn't have an angry assassin as his cellmate. And said assassin isn't so bad really. I mean, Dave is even hugging back and –Eep!

Is Dave actually groping his ass?!

"Don't worry _Liebling_, I'll protect you for now on~." Dave coos. His warm breath is really close to John's now sensitive ear… "Just go back to your cell and stay there. I'll finish this and be right back for you~."

Dave then releases John after giving a final squeeze on John's butt. John is pretty sure his face is fully red right now… And then Dave winks at him before he leaves!

It seems John's legs somehow turned jelly during that interaction as he goes back to his cell… Dave's warm breath still tingling his ear…

Yup, still a lot to get used to…

* * *

**Next is Dirk. **

**I actually have a headcannon that Jake has misandry, AKA hatred towards men while worships women. But Jake does have exceptions.**

**So Calibrates, thanks for putting passion and emotion in your review but may you (and the rest of the readers) put at least a warning in the beginning that it's going to be offensive. It's like an offensive joke, people will take offense and it's better if they are warned and yeah, hopefully you understand. **

**And to Jenn-Jenn, yes! You did it! And no universe that we know of is dead! :D**

**All in all, thank you for reading! And please review!**


	8. Con VII: Dub-Con

**So, school is getting over and exams are coming soon. I'll try my best to update this and other fanfictions. **

**And special thanks to Cupcake368 and WhatsMyPassword with inspiring words. Thanks Cupcake368 for cheering me up, I needed it. And WhatsMyPassword, thanks for the advice! I knew the group was a bunch of amateurs but now I know what to do with people more professional! **

**Again, thanks you two!**

* * *

_**Con VII**_

_**Dub-Con **_

* * *

Dirk knew there was something wrong when Dave returned to the table by himself with no cute blue-eyed cellmate with him. He did not question it vocally but the action of one raised eyebrow is enough for any professional Strider assassin to understand.

Dave still didn't answer.

It was only when Jake giggled about something about friendship and protection that he pointed out where John was. Dave didn't look away from the mush.

Since there was no sign of struggle or wounds on Dave, Dirk immediately concludes something verbal or psychologically made Dave feel negative. And John did something to do so.

Breakfast was over with leisure time starting, Dirk stayed in the bathroom for a while since shower time in once every few days or week and Dirk likes to take care of his hair as much as he can. As always, Jake kept was there with him as Dirk washes his hair with sink water. But in that time, Jake kept talking about and how lovely a daughter he was.

Of course, Dirk professionally did not get jealous over that.

Dirk tried to find Dave but when he did, guards were too much and too near.

And Dave kept ignoring and avoiding Dirk which was annoying the fuck out of Dirk.

It was until a few days later when Egbert finally sat back down with the group that things went different. Jake petted his hair throughout and actually cooed to John about missing him. Of course, Dave went back to normal by smirking at Dirk's rather un-composed face as Jake kept touching _John_…

Of course, Bro didn't teach them how to handle envy and/or jealousy…

But ignoring that fact, Dirk examined to see Dave was not exactly harmed by John. It was rather disappointment and something foreign that was in Dave… It was like the same vulnerable and vulgar feeling that Dave had felt when he accidently cut Dirk's valuable Rainbow Dash plush's head off during a strife with Bro. Dave had worn the embarrassing French maid outfit to be even with him as he's completely shitty with needlework.

AKA Dave felt guilty.

It was today that Dirk skipped his session of therapy by convincing his shitty ass therapist that he didn't feel "right" in his stomach and needed to go to the doctor/nurse genderless thing.

Dirk easily found Dave doing a little competition of arm-wrestling and did only a nod to get him out of participating and showing off. But before Dirk could even talk to Dave, guards came.

Of course, the Striders had to be separated till therapy time was over…

Then, Dirk ironically pulled Dave's ear until he gave up and let Dave follow him with a sore ear and a mouth mumbling German curses at Dirk. Dave still didn't talk.

Jake had blood on him again however he was staring at a container of lipstick. He was most likely thinking about his deceased niece again.

Jake then told the Striders that John went to "go potty". But Dave immediately went to where John was supposed to be while Dirk was curious and Jake was seemingly calm, possibly believing Dave was going to "help" John in the bathroom.

Then all found John with a group of obnoxious trouble.

Jake immediately went into fighting mode while the Striders helped.

Of course, Dirk gave Dave time to re-earn his Strider title by talking to the blue-eyed cellmate. It went pretty well that Dave got a hug and a free squeeze from John.

Now, both Striders exit with coolness of the rapidly forming riot that they and Jake created. Dirk thankfully convinced Jake to stop fighting and take a nap in their cell. With the growing wildness of this riot, the Striders can go somewhere and talk privately.

Thus, Dirk and Dave are in an okay place where camera angles are shitty and are like a typical alley. And Dirk is going to get his answer.

"What the fuck did you do?"

"Excuse me?"

Dirk crosses his arms and glares deeper at Dave. "_What_ did you _do_ to John? What made you fell fucked up guilty?"

Dave clicks his tongue and averts his eyes. "I didn't feel guilty."

"Still, what the fuck happened? You were being a depressed submissive bitch for a couple of days to that cellmate of yours. What did Egbert do to you?"

Dave continues to lean back and sighs. "Okay, maybe I _might_ have been stupid–"

"When are you not?" Dave flips him off. Dirk chuckles.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah! Halt den Mund. I accidently shot the wrong victim and shit like that. Fick dich."

As entertaining teasing Dave is, Dirk needs to go back to business. "But seriously, what happened?"

Dirk sighs again. "Well, I might have… _asserted_ my dominance onto John –but I failed!"

Dirk blinks. Did Dave suggest… that he tried to _rape_ John?

In a split second, Dirk flash-steps towards Dave and punches him _hard_… right in the balls.

"Mutter-fuck-Scheiße! Bro! The fuck!?"

"You _arschloch_, did you fucking forget what Bro _taught_ us about _rape_? Don't _fucking_ do it!"

"Hey!" Dave yells out, even though he's still crouched low and still covering his balls. "It wasn't like I was doing full non-con, Blödmann! I was going for dub-con!"

"That's still unwanted!"

"Man, what the fuck! You watch anime shit like that 24/7!"

"That's different and ironic! My anime does not involve with real life!"

"You fucked a guy that looked like a fucked-up character in Boku no Pico! And by the way, it still fucking scars the shit out of me! I seriously don't see how you damn masturbate to that shit. Shit is more damn corrupt than that two girls and one cup video."

Dirk leans back to his part of the wall and stares straight at the slowly recovering brother of his. He's still pissed that Dave tried to force sex on John. Though the blue-eyed cutie is tempting and fuck-worthy, it's in the Strider code and life that Striders don't do rape.

"And I wasn't going to fucking penetrate him with little Dave. Even I know that's fucked up. Hölle, I wasn't even thinking of going for that perky, delectable ass! I was just going to give John a nice hand job, that's all."

"Still forced."

"Yeah, I get it." Dave finally let go of his nuts and crosses his arms, almost imitating his twin. "I learned my lesson and might have deserved the ironic and painful punch in the balls for my action and shit. It's like that one kid who keeps getting one more piece of apple-flavored candy till oh shit! The kid has stomach-ache and shitty diarrhea!"

"Wasn't that you?"

"Nein, it's not."

"Actually, I remember it now." Dirk smirks. "We were enjoying a fair in Texas, Bro was planning to fuck and kill ones of the employees and you–"

"Halt den Mund."

"And you actually told Bro to kill the owner after you stop panicking about it being poison and–"

"And you had a crush on an inanimate object!" Dave interrupts and smirks. "You were getting it on with that weird blue Pegasus thing. Your first make out was actually with–"

"Hey, at least we both agree that we did something we may or may not regret in that fair."

"And to see Bro in a seifuku for the first time…"

Both Striders shiver at the memory. It was windy that day and it seemed everyone there had a glimpse of Bro's bedazzled thong…

"So yeah. Es tut mir leid." Dave begins. "Shitty prison, shitty frustration, and adorable cuteness didn't make me think but that's a shitty excuse. Hell, the prison life is a shitty excuse! It's like anything going on in here is shit. Like therapists, they're shit. Like the meals, they're shit. Like the prisoners here, they're shit. This whole prison is shit."

Dirk nods in agreement. Prison has indeed done a few things on them. One major example is his hair as it isn't in its full prime for too long with barely any hair products that are in the showers. There's that as well as Dirk actually has to depend on Dave on getting cigarettes.

"Alright, I won't neuter you since it's excusable and you're somehow a Strider."

"Somehow?" Dave snorts. "_Please_, with these looks, I am a hundred percent pure Strider coolness."

Dirk chuckles a little, maybe even letting a smirk out in the open.

Dave is such a prideful little ass but he is Dirk's twin brother.

So, Dirk puts out a fist and Dave bumps it with his. Hell yeah. Alles ist vergeben.

"Just don't do it again and I won't let Bro know what you did." Dirk concludes.

Dave scrunches up his nose and has his face turns into disgust. Yeah, Dave knows what Bro does and how _very_ uncomfortable he can make it on Dave. The smuppet piles were Dirk's favorite to witness while Bro's is simply Lil' Cal's "hugs".

"Don't _fucking_ remind me."

"So," Dirk says as he sees the now approaching guards. "What are you going to do with Egbert?"

Dave then smirks. "Well, instead of natural Strider looks and dub-con," Dave looks at Dirk. "I'll do what you did before prison."

Dirk's eyes widen. Oh hell no! He couldn't mean–

"I'm going to make John Egbert fall in love with me."

Scheiße!

Dirk had been the charmer while Dave was the "knight" of the assassin duo. Dirk had the more comforting looks than Dave's impish smirk and Dirk has the calmness that Dave lacks of. Dirk can keep a straight face to the right emotion-face for the victim to see. But Dirk seriously doesn't like being the charmer.

Due to being such a "talented charmer", he got a title of being a destroyer of hearts while Dave got lucky and be the "Rote Ritter". It sucked for Dirk as no one wanted him due to being "alarmed" by his professional charms.

"Bro, you better not think about that." Dirk tries to quickly warn. "Dave, I swear if you actually think of doing it then–"

"Striders! What are you two doing together? Get _away_ from each other and go to your _separate_ cell. Thanks to an excessive riot, all prisoners are punished and must remain in their cells for the rest of leisure time."

Dirk inwardly curses. He can't let his obnoxious twin do this to himself. Not just because of the annoying title and how Dave is going to be truly shitty at it, there's the danger of getting _too_ attached.

"Well, Wiedersehen Bruder, see you soon."

"No you won't, _Strider_."

Dirk sighs and hopes he can actually properly warn Dave as he gets "pushed" to his cell.

Dirk also needs to stop letting Dave watch his romance anime…

* * *

**And surprisingly, next chapter will also be in Dirk's POV while the chapter is a Pro, not a Con. **

**I hope you guys enjoy it as my schedule is becoming busy. :(**

**Thanks for reading and please review. Bye!**


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